Tuesday, July 17, 2012

The Mysteries of the universe

Just out of curiosity, I wonder what the most complicated instructional video is on youtube.  I have plenty of friends who have taught themselves to crochet, cook, paint, draw, program, understand math, fold diapers, and so much more - all thanks to the magic of youtube and other peoples' willingness to share their skills through tutorials.

Yesterday, I was wondering to myself how far it goes.  I had to have 2 surgical procedures in the last couple of years.  I looked them both up on youtube before undergoing them.  Yep, they were both on there, being used as teaching tools.  It eased my anxiety to see actual videos of what was about to happen to me.  I also wondered if there's a limit.  Brain surgery?  Rocket science?  YES.  It is all there.  Carl Sagan will explain the cosmos to you from the grave on youtube.  It doesn't get much better than that.

Youtube, I would like to be your girlfriend.

"I'm not here to make friends."

All of those ridiculous elimination competition shows are all about showing what a ruthless douchecanoe you can be to get to a prize.  Since the beginning of reality game shows a couple of decades ago, the interviews/confessional time/talk-to-the-audience divulgence segment always seems to include the contestants acting all tough and saying, "I'm not here to make friends.  I'm here to WIN."  And then they beat on their chests like silverback gorillas and stomp away.

Do we really need more assholes?  In these times, do we really need to see who can be King of the Assholes in order to win an outrageous prize?  Look, I have lived in cities and neighborhoods with a lot of violent crime.  I already know that human beings can be completely horrible to each other and take advantage, lie, cheat, steal, etc.

YAWN.  CLICK.

Here's what Jay and I were discussing:  They should turn it around.

"I'm not here to make friends."
"Ummm, actually...yes, you are here to make friends."
"What?"
"This is a show about making friends.  The person that earns the most friendships, in a heartfelt and honest way, wins."

It's easy to cheat and be a dick.  Being a shitheel is not a strategy.
I want to see a show about who can win a prize (an actual pay-off, not just a warm fuzzy feeling) by actually doing good things, and not being a manipulative bottom dweller.  It would give me a little more hope for the human race.

My husband's grandpa always said that the right thing to do is usually the hardest thing to do.  So, let's see some of that for a change.

Monday, July 02, 2012

Diaper cakes, not so much.

I'll say it.  I don't like "diaper cakes".
They are the ubiquitous baby shower prop that is a multi-tiered "cake" that is made up of rolled-up disposable diapers, and then taped together with colored ribbons to coordinate with the decor of the shower.

Gross.  I just cannot see how something as nasty as a diaper should somehow be transformed into pretend food.  I realize that the diaper is unused when being integrated into this monstrosity, but - food, diapers...these 2 things just don't belong together, conceptually.

Equally revolting to me is the idea of individual diapers being wrapped into cellophane with decorative ribbon and twisted on the ends like taffy and Tootsie Rolls.  Mmmm, diaper candy.  What a treat.  The landfill is crying tears for your diaper candy, and anyway, who wants to have to unwrap all that jazz to get to a diaper, when the baby is in dire need of a change?  What a waste.

Yes, let's please keep polishing the turd.